Almost everyone is familiar with domestic violence in the form of physical abuse, but if an individual suffers from constant criticism, hurtful words and verbal attacks, they may be a victim of emotional abuse.
Psychotherapist Kali Munro, M.Ed., in an article on emotional abuse, explains that verbal attacks represent the most common form of abuse – and yet, people are unlikely to discuss emotional abuse. She says that part of the reason it is so easy for people to overlook is that so that much of what is considered normal and acceptable forms of communication is in fact abusive.
Munro believes that many people don't know that they have been — or are being — emotionally abused. In addition, a lot of emotional abuse doesn't appear to be severe or dramatic, although its effects can be.
What's Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse is a very real form of domestic abuse, but it's something that often goes unrecognized.
EQI.org, a website created by Steve Hein to help suicidal and help-harming teens, offers the following definition of emotional abuse, which applies to all situations: "Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept.
"Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of 'guidance,' 'teaching,' or 'advice,' the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value."
What is Relationship Abuse?
Emotional abuse is sometimes also referred to as relationship abuse. The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness defines relationship abuse as a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner.
An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about a person. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical, and can include threats, isolation and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try and control her.
Defining Emotional Abusers
World-renowned therapist and advice guru Dr. Phil McGraw defines an abuser as both a coward and a bully.
In a marital situation, he states that the abuser chooses to abuse where it is safe, in a place where he feels loved and protected. After all, he asks, "Would you do it in the workplace where you might get fired or in a social situation where others might get insulted?"
Defining the Victim in Emotional Abuse Cases
"There are no victims, only volunteers" is an oft-repeated saying that applies to emotionally abused individuals. It is important, therefore, to take responsibility for the state of the relationship. While a victim is not to blame, she has played a role in allowing the relationship to exist in this manner, and she must be a role in changing it.
Don't just tell a partner that the treatment is unacceptable; rather, make actions speak louder than words. First, a victim should change her own routine or behavior. Second, she must tell her partner that she will no longer stand for the abuse.
Verbal Abuse Can Lead to Domestic Violence
VerbalAbuse.com points out that more and more organizations that help the victims of battering realize that verbal abuse precedes domestic violence.
Thousands of battered people have said that the hurt of verbal abuse lasted longer than the bruises of physical abuse. Verbal abuse is a kind of violence that creates a deep emotional pain and mental anguish that can be immobilizing.
Moving on From an Emotionally Abusive Situation
In seeking help and escape from emotional abuse, victims have a variety of options from joining support groups, to asking their primary care physicians to recommend local therapists, to seeking out guidance through online support networks. Choose a method that's right for your needs and comfort.
Healing from emotional abuse is a long and arduous process, one that requires patience and persistence. Remember that relationships are always up for renegotiation.
A victim should sit down with a partner and take a stand. It's empowering to verbalize that one will not stay in the relationship if the abuse continues. Then, begin to negotiate. Discuss how both parties can make the marriage or commitment work, and then take baby steps.
Become Familiar with The Signs of Emotional AbuseThere are a few key points to remember about emotional abuse:
- Emotional abuse is a real problem
- Emotional abuse can often lead to physical abuse
- There is help for victims - and abusers - of emotional abuse
It's a bumpy road but, for most, is one well worth the journey in the end. With patience, love and understanding, emotional abuse is something that can be minimized or even eliminated in many circumstances. Remember, knowledge is power.
Sources:
drphil.com/articles/article/19
eqi.org/eabuse1.htm
kalimunro.com/article_emotional_abuse.html
st oprelationshipabuse.org/signs.html
verbalabuse.com/page3/page8/page8.html
Amanda Griffith - Amanda Sina Griffith, principal of Bumble PR, has planned and executed media relations and PR campaigns for more than 10 years. ...
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